*edit* this was written a few weeks ago..i was waiting on a picture of the final product, but it still isn't finished so i will just post this and pray that it blesses you as it has me...
So, this past week i made myself a quilt for our bed...i've had the fabric for awhile now and just haven't felt motivated to getting it together..until i heard that my Grandma was going to have a quilting at her house and they needed another quilt...so i volunteered to make one =).
i'm not totally new at sewing...my mother is a great teacher and i was sewing blocks together to make comforters for the church sewing by the time i was 8 years old...i also used to piece wallhangings for Lolly's...[a local quilt and fabric shop] that i just so happened to work at a few years ago...
The cutting and piecing went well, i got it done in one day...well, almost done...the strips weren't all the same length, and my mom thought it would be just as easy to cut the one side when it was done. So, i cut and pieced, leaving an uneven side to deal with another day. I took it home and put it on my bed to see how it fit and found a few flaws in the process!! That
day came and i got down to work getting it cut off straight. Or, so i thought. Before i was finished cutting it all off, we discovered that the other side that we
thought was straight wasn't so straight after all. Since it was just strips it had eventually not stayed square with the first strip... When we realized just how much we were going to have to cut off
both sides to make the sides straight, it was quite a bit narrower than what i wanted. And i
didn't want to piece a border to add to the sides.. So we started looking at what fabric i had left and discovered
what i thought was enough fabric to just add a strip going all the way along both sides, matching the last strip at the bottom. So i cut my strips and sewed them on, only to discover that they weren't long enough to leave the bottom strip on...and by taking that off it wasn't going to be long enough..
By this time i had had about all i could take...my day was going horrible and to add on top of that Ken wasn't going to be home for the night
again. I felt like i had been snapping at the girls all day and finally i broke down...Why wasn't this quilt cooperating? [i know, i know, like it was its fault] Why couldn't Ken have a 9-5 job so he would be home on a regular basis and be able to spend time with us? How were we going to pay all our bills this month? I felt like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders...all brought on by a quilt that wasn't "cooperating". =/ And that's when i felt my Father draw me in his arms and re-assure me that i still had Him! He wasn't going anywhere! He would be with me that night when i had to go to bed by myself, again, He would help me with the girls and give me joy that would overflow. And then He gently pointed out how my life is like that quilt...and how when we try to piece it together by ourselves it doesn't work out right! He is/wants to be the Master Seamstress, even when we don't understand why or how, he knows how each piece fits. He knows the flaws that we find in those around us... or the things we think are flaws...the ones in our spouses, the ones in ourselves, that try as we might, we can't totally fix. We can cover up the embarrassing stuff, especially when we're around our friends and hope they dont notice, but underneath, they're still there. And just like that quilt that i had to cut more pieces for so that it would fit, He brings things into our lives that in the end make us beautiful. At the time we might not think so, especially because of the many seams holding everything together, but in the end we have a beautiful finished product...
And as i watched the ladies gathered around quilting it together, i had to think of how we touch the lives of those around us...how much effort are we putting in?
I'm crying as i write this because i cannot explain it as beautifully as the way He showed me that night...And a few nights later when i took a walk in the rain, tears running down my face as the rain fell...knowing i had to let go trying to piece my life together on my own and give the "sewing machine" over to God...to let Him finish what He's started. Letting go of my selfish desires of wanting Ken home more, and just being thankful that he has a job! Asking Him to give me the strength to face another day, trusting Him that He will provide for our needs, and learning more about becoming the help meet for Ken He had in mind when he
created me...being the Mom He
wants me to be, the friend i
need to be, but most importantly becoming the Princess He
desires me to be. Totally relying on Him,
totally. Letting Him be my
everything. Something i've been failing in. Being a trucker's wife forces me to be strong and mostly independent, so it's
hard to let go, knowing i won't have any control over it. He desires to be my husband, my friend, my example, my daddy...because there are and will be times when i need to curl up in His lap and let Him hold me.
Pray for me! I have a
long ways to go...
Comments (5)
What a beautiful post... I agree it is hard to let go even when those things are so important to me God will fix it in his time
Hi Shar,
I loved hearing your perspective and the life lesson learned in a difficult moment. Often it is so easy to miss the opportunities to see God in everyday living. If you ever get bored, come sew for me. :)
Amy
hey shar, read this in my inbox and had to come read it again.
i love your heart in this! praying... <3
I am almost 12 wks. due date is Aug 24. I always go late so it'll probably be a Sept baby. Hope not though. When are you due?